I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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