Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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