We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize