Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
