Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
