he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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