Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize