Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
