I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think pants incapable of making pants work
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
