grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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