How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize