Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
