omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
