I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
