Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
