to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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