She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
