By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
