so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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