I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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