I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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