ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
