Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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