Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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