Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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