i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
