Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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