NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
