evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
they need to just BURY HIM!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
