this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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