i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
