I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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