thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
