my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I lost the right to judge tonight
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
