imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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