he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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