i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
