And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
