No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
