I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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