Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
