my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
