but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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