I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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