Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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