Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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