He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
