I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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