You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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