Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize