tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
