Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
