My first STD was from a foam party
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I love having hate sex.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
