the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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