I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
