i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize