i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
