I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
