The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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