a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
