you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
