Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize