Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
