is your mom at the bar?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
