Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
