So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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