i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
