Pants 0. Shit 1.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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