another moral hangover. fuck.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
