Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
